Happy Independence Day! Doesn't July 4th breed hope? No, yes? Anyway I'm feeling quite hopeful and happy on this day and after watching the story of yet another girl struggle through an eating disorder, I found it necessary to tell you about my journey.
I wrote a fantasy novel about time travel as my first book. It's still an idea that I hold dear to me (especially since I'm a history major) but after I queried it for awhile it seemed time to move on.
A story about a girl named Lacey came to me in a dream. Lame but true, my dreams are quite vivid. She lived in the shadow of her older sister and was head over heels in love with her sister's boyfriend. But the strongest trait I felt about Lacey was the lack of confidence she had. As I delved deeper I found her lack of confidence stemmed from hating her appearance, not feeling loved and always feeling inadequate. As I write this I'm thinking this isn't anything extraordinary. Most teenage girls and beyond feel this way at some time.
And that's why I wrote this book. It is so sad that this is normal! Girls, all shapes, sizes, races, etc. should feel good enough, great enough.
I know I didn't feel either for a long time.
Lacey is a happy girl. She loves life and her family while pushes her insecurities into the background until they just won't stay there anymore. When her insecurities take over, well when the demons are in charge it's never pretty.
There are plenty of stories out there about girls who are insecure, who have eating disorders, who hate themselves. But all of those stories are so dark.
My life wasn't dark. It was light-filled most of the time but hid dark places. When I developed my eating disorder I didn't feel anything could be wrong with me because I wasn't cutting myself, dying my hair purple or shutting out the whole world. I went to football games, I had friends, I attended church. How could I be broken?
But I was, in some ways I wonder if I still am.
To all the broken and healing girls out there who feel like they haven't had their stories told, this is for you :)