So in case you didn't know the writing process is FULL of rejection. We get rejected from agents (we love), editors (we love), and then our reading public (who we love). I read where someone said that amount writers get rejected comes second to only actors and while I don't know if that's true (who took that poll? I would think some poor high school boys probably have faced their share of rejection) it is a whole lotta rejection.
Now I am not one of those people born with a thick skin. In fact, my poor skin may be thinner than most but I can feel myself start to built up a protective layer. Some days that layer feels like a suit of armor, others more like a slight film. My confidence has always had a few issues and I've relied on what others think of me way too much. This is actually something I kind of hate about myself and the greatest thing about all this rejection is that more of my self-worth has to come from well, my self.
Okay so I said rejection vs. rejection. What is the other type you may ask? This one is a ton more personal and I've wondered if this is something I want to share with the blogosphere but it looks like my fingers are continuing to type so here we go. This rejection has been a rejection of my own body. Others may not define it as a rejection but to me it is. We have been trying to have a second child for years now and it hasn't happened. At first each period that came was an annoyance. Something that kept me from continuing on in my life plan. Now each period feels like an assault on my being. It feels like my own body is telling me I'm not good enough to fulfill the function that practically every other female body can. Now I know that I am lucky to have one child and I know that there are women who are in this same situation or worse and I'm not discounting their experience. I do want to share how I feel though and that is what I feel. My rational mind can tell me I'm being ridiculous. That it could still happen or that it isn't really that my body has it out for me but my rational mind hasn't been known to win many an argument.
So anyway it comes down to rejection and sometimes I think if I were only to deal with one type it would be so much easier but then I realized that wasn't true. One type of rejection actually helps me to better know how to deal with the other. So my goal is to instead of feeling rejected, trying to count my lucky stars for my two forms of rejection.
I'll let you know how that goes ;)